Self-Doubt Is Costing You Money: Here’s How to Negotiate Salary Anyway
You ever notice how men in tech walk into salary negotiations like they own the damn place?
They don’t ask if they’re "qualified." They don’t wonder if they’re "too much." They sit down, state their number, and expect to get paid.
Meanwhile? Too many brilliant, overqualified Latinas in tech hesitate to negotiate salary—not because they’re incapable, but because they’ve been conditioned to believe they shouldn’t.
That stops here.
Your mindset is keeping you underpaid. It’s time to shut that sh*t down and start negotiating like you mean it.
Self-talk, self-belief, self-sabotage.
You know that little voice in your head? The one that whispers,
“You’re not ready.”
“What if you fail?”
“Don’t be too much.”
It’s in those moments that you start holding yourself back, staying quiet in meetings, hesitating to negotiate, or convincing yourself you’re not quite ready yet. There’s just one more thing.
That voice? It’s lying to you. And it’s time to shut it down.
How Self-Doubt Is Keeping You Underpaid
The stories we tell ourselves don’t just appear out of nowhere. They’re built over years shaped by our upbringing, experiences, and the messages we’ve absorbed from society. Especially for women, and even more so for Latinas and women of color, the messages often sound like this:
"Be seen, not heard."
"Don’t rock the boat."
"Just be grateful for what you have."
"If you work hard, someone will notice."
These aren’t just words. They shape how we move in the world and, ultimately, how we limit ourselves. They turn into patterns of self-doubt that keep us from asking for the salaries we deserve, speaking up in rooms we belong in, or chasing opportunities we’re more than qualified for.
How These Stories Hold Us Back
Self-talk is powerful. It speaks life or death. It either builds you up or keeps you playing small. And the worst part? Most of the time, we don’t even realize it’s happening.
"I should just be grateful." → Gratitude is beautiful, but it doesn’t pay the bills. You can be grateful AND advocate for yourself.
"If I ask for more, they’ll think I’m difficult." → Negotiation isn’t an attitude problem; it’s a skill. Men do it all the time. You should too.
"I’m not experienced enough." → Nobody feels 100% ready. People in top positions didn’t wait until they felt ready—they just went for it.
If you’ve ever hesitated to negotiate, to speak up, or to take up space—it’s not because you’re incapable. It’s because you’ve been conditioned to believe you shouldn’t.
How These Stories Become Self-Sabotage
These stories don’t just make us hesitate, they make us quit before we even try. We talk ourselves out of opportunities before anyone else has the chance to reject us. We decide not to apply for the job, not to ask for the raise, not to pitch the idea. And in doing so, we eliminate ourselves before the world even has a chance to.
This is how self-sabotage works. It’s sneaky. It disguises itself as “being realistic” or “staying humble.” But in reality, it’s fear in a fancy outfit convincing you to stay small. And every time you listen to it, you reinforce the cycle proving to yourself that maybe you weren’t ready after all. But the truth is, you never gave yourself a fair shot.
How to Negotiate Salary Like You Belong at the Table
You don’t get paid what you’re worth.
You get paid what you negotiate.
1. Challenge the Stories
Every time you catch yourself thinking, “I shouldn’t ask for that,” stop and ask yourself, why? Where did that thought come from? Is it actually true, or is it just a belief you’ve inherited?
Then, rewrite it. Here are a few examples:
Thought: “I don’t want to seem greedy.”
Reframe: “I deserve to be compensated fairly.”
Thought: “They might say no.”
Reframe: “If they say no, I’ll ask what it would take to get there.”
Thought: “I don’t have enough experience.”
Reframe: “I have the skills, and I can learn whatever I don’t know yet.”
2. Act Like the Person You Want to Become
Your brain believes what you repeatedly tell it. If you keep shrinking yourself, it will become second nature. But if you start acting like the powerful, capable person you are, your brain will catch up.
Breathe: Deep breaths calm your nervous system before big conversations.
Posture: Stand tall. Shoulders back. You belong in that room.
Silence is power: Say your salary number and stop talking. Let them respond first.
Need a script? Let’s build your salary negotiation strategy in a free coaching call.
3. Get Comfortable with Discomfort
Confidence isn’t about never feeling fear. It’s about taking action despite the fear. The first time you negotiate might feel terrifying. The second time? Slightly less. By the third, it’s just another Tuesday.
4. Use the “What’s the Worst That Can Happen?” Rule
If you ask for a raise and they say no, what happens? You still have your job. You still have your skills. You walk away knowing you advocated for yourself. And now they know you’re not afraid to ask, which puts you in a stronger position next time.
But if you never ask? Nothing changes.
FAQs: How To Negotiate Salary
-
Sis, if a company rescinds an offer just because you tried to negotiate, that’s a red flag, not a loss.
Reputable companies expect candidates to negotiate. In fact, they already have a budget for it.
If they take back the offer because you asked for more, they were never going to respect you in that job anyway. And that’s not a paycheck, it’s a trap.
-
Never accept the first offer.
Companies always leave room for negotiation. The first number they throw out? That’s the lowest amount they think you’ll take.
The second you accept it, you’ve left money on the table.
Negotiate like it’s expected, because it is.
-
Not long.
If you’re negotiating for a new job, wait until you receive the offer—but don’t sit on it too long.
If you’re negotiating for a raise, bring it up before annual reviews (because raises are usually decided in advance).
The sooner you start the conversation, the more power you have.
Rewrite Your Story
You don’t need permission to ask for what you’re worth.
You don’t need another year of experience.
You don’t need another degree.
You don’t need to prove yourself one more time.
You need a plan.
The next time that voice in your head tries to keep you small, talk back.
Say it out loud:
I am capable.
I am qualified.
I am worthy.
I am THAT b*tch.
Because you are.
And it’s time to move like it.
If you’re done letting fear cost you money, let’s build your salary negotiation strategy in a free coaching call.