The Cultural Reasons Latinas Are Taught Not to Negotiate And How to Unlearn Them
If you’re a Latina in tech (or in any industry), chances are that when the moment comes to ask for more, whether it’s money, a promotion, or recognition, something inside you freezes. Your heart races, your mind swirls with doubt, and instead of advocating for yourself, you hear an internal voice saying, "Don’t ask for too much. Don’t be difficult. Be grateful you’re even here."
Sound familiar?
You are not alone.
What often gets missed in conversations about salary negotiation is the cultural layer, those deep, unspoken values we carry as Latinas that shape how we see ourselves and our worth. Today, I want to pull back that curtain and name some of these forces: respeto, familismo, and marianismo. And then I want to show you how to honor where we come from while unlearning what holds us back.
How “Respeto” Shapes Latina Salary Silence
Let’s start with respeto, a value that runs deep in our families and communities. We are taught from a young age to respect authority, elders, and those in positions of power. We are taught to keep our heads down, work hard, and trust that someone will notice and reward us.
But here’s the problem: in corporate America, and especially in tech, if you don’t speak up for yourself, no one else will. Negotiation isn’t seen as disrespectful in these spaces, it’s expected. Yet, for many Latinas, asking for more can feel like breaking the rules we were raised with.
What to unlearn: Asking for what you deserve is not disrespect, it’s self-respect.
Affirmation:
"Respeto includes me. I honor my worth when I advocate for myself."
Script you can say in negotiation:
"Thank you for the offer. I’m excited about the role, and I want to make sure we’re aligning on the value I bring. Based on my experience and contributions, I’m looking for [your number]."
Familismo: Putting Family First (Even at Our Own Expense)
Familismo teaches us that family comes first, and that is beautiful. It’s why we show up for our people, why we work hard to create better lives for those we love. But familismo can also twist itself into a limiting belief: “If I ask for more, I’m being selfish. I should just take what I’m given and be grateful because others have less.”
What’s worse? Many of us carry the dreams of our entire family on our backs. First-gen struggles are real. So when we get an offer, even if it’s low, we’re afraid to risk losing it.
But here’s the truth: you cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot uplift your family if you are struggling. Getting paid what you are worth is an act of love for your family, because it creates long-term stability, builds generational wealth, and sets a new standard for those coming after you.
What to unlearn: Taking care of your family starts with taking care of you.
Affirmation:
"When I negotiate for myself, I am also advocating for my family’s future."
Script you can say in negotiation:
"This offer is a great start, and because I’m committed to giving my best in this role, I want to ensure I’m compensated in a way that reflects the full value of my skills and impact."
Marianismo: The Pressure to Be Self-Sacrificing and Grateful
Now let’s talk about marianismo, the expectation for Latinas to be self-sacrificing, humble, and endlessly giving. Marianismo tells us: Put others first. Don’t shine too bright. Be humble.
That voice is in the room when we hesitate to negotiate. When we think, “Who am I to ask for more?” or “If I ask, maybe they’ll think I’m greedy.”
But here’s the truth no one told us growing up: Humility and power are not opposites. You can be humble and powerful. You can be kind and firm. You can honor your roots while asking for what you’re worth.
What to unlearn: Being humble doesn’t mean shrinking yourself.
Affirmation:
"I can be kind and still ask for what I deserve. I can be generous without being taken advantage of."
Script you can say in negotiation:
"I appreciate the offer and the opportunity to contribute. To do my best work and feel fully valued, I’m looking for [your number]."
Unlearning Is an Act of Cultural Strength
Here’s what I need you to hear: Unlearning these patterns doesn’t mean rejecting our culture, it means evolving it.
Our parents, our abuelas, our tias, they taught us respeto, familismo, and marianismo because they wanted us to survive in a world that wasn’t built for us. But now, we are in rooms they never got to enter. Our job is not just to survive, but to thrive.
When you negotiate, you are doing something revolutionary. You are breaking a cycle. You are teaching the next generation of Latinas that we do not have to settle.
FAQs About Latina Cultural Values and Salary Negotiation
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Latinas often struggle with salary negotiation because cultural values like respeto, familismo, and marianismo teach deference, selflessness, and humility. These values can make advocating for higher pay feel uncomfortable, even though negotiation is standard and expected in most industries.
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Latinas can unlearn negotiation fear by reframing it as an act of self-respect and community empowerment. Instead of seeing negotiation as selfish, recognize it as setting a standard for future generations and honoring your worth in workplaces that rely on silence to maintain pay gaps.
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Absolutely. Honoring your culture while negotiating means evolving traditional values to include self-advocacy. Respect, family loyalty, and humility can coexist with demanding fair pay and opportunities, strengthening both personal success and community progress.
Salary Negotiation Is Bigger Than Just One Conversation
Every time you sit at a negotiation table and ask for more, you are opening the door wider for the Latinas coming up behind you. Every time you reject a low offer, you are sending a message that we are not here to be underpaid and overworked.
So, when that inner voice tells you to be grateful and stay quiet, I want you to remember this: you’re not negotiating just for yourself, you’re negotiating for every Latina who has ever been told to settle for less.
Take a breath. Remember who you are. And ask for more.
If you’re ready to unlearn these patterns and walk into your next salary conversation with power, reach out. Because you deserve more than just a seat at the table, you deserve to be paid like you belong there.